What the hell did I just watch?
So for a week now, I’ve been inundated with this SmackDown Blast From the Past brouhaha and I must admit, I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. I imagined red, white, and blue ropes. I imagined sky-blue floor pads surrounding the ring. Hell, maybe there would even be some metal barricades! …I got nothin’. I got a bunch of old guys in terrible skits. I know they’re old, I wasn’t expecting Ted DiBiase to come down off the 2nd rope with a fist drop, but for the love of god, give them something worthwhile. The closest thing to worthwhile entertainment was Jimmy Hart managing a tag team whilst simultaneously annoying the crap out of guest commentator Mick-cactus-dude-mankind-love-jack-Foley to the point of him taking out Sock-O. What was really great about it was the fact that the audience was on Jimmy’s side! Take that, Mick!
I don't know what I want more: The megaphone or that bomb-ass jacket!
The rest of the evening was spent with 1 minute matches and Johnny Dimples stammering his way through his Jerkface speech to Sheamus. Here’s my problem with this work: He goes out and continues to be blatantly unfair to the faces, and that would be fine with me if the WWE hadn’t spent all of Summer 2011 working an angle of “the higher up’s can remove your ass if you’re out of line.” McMahon got thrown out on this premise, and he’s fuckin’ Vince McMahon! If they want me to swallow the notion that he could be kicked out of his position in the company, don’t you dare try to make also “believe” they couldn’t do the exact same thing to Johnny. I’ve brought it up in an old post, but i feel the need to reiterate it now: If you’re going to have fake rules and a fake hierarchy, at least have the decency to fake follow it! I don’t think I’m asking too much here. I think Johnny Dimples (i’m going to keep using this nickname til it sticks, so get used to it) is a great character. Now, the guy playing him sucks as an actor, but we’re kind of in a catch-22 in that regard, so let me approach it from another angle. Why doesn’t J-Dimps (spin-off of a nickname that hasn’t even caught on yet, man I’m good!) have to abide by the same standards of fairness that were required for HHH to keep his job? I understand that we want to build heat for this guy, but for the love of god, the heat is already so high, I think we can just let it continue to boil at it’s current pace. I feel like the audience would get a kick out of watching Johnny squirm as he has to play by the rules, knowing it’s killing him inside. Now, to be fair, the People Power era has just begun so perhaps this will come up eventually, but it’s already dragging too long for me. (Side note: Everybody’s hat needs to go off to the creative man or woman who played up this whole politician/propaganda angle for Johnny Dimples. It’s so good it almost pisses me off.) But I’ve been sidetracked by the worst wardrobe in show business for long enough, lets get back to the geriatrics.
That is the exact same smile I have in my kindergarten picture
“Cowboy” Bob Orton got mysteriously beat up by Kane, who then beat up Randy when he went looking for his dad. Kane then said “I love family reunions”. I should have turned the TV off right then and there, but I didn’t. Because I’m stupid. I then got to watch more of my heroes tarnish their legacy, until finally Roddy Piper came out and put on a clinic of how to use a microphone to it’s maximum potential. If you want to hear a badass story about Piper and Cowboy Bob, told by the Hot Rod himself, click here. Most of the Legends still looked pretty decent (considering their incredibly advanced age), and I would have bet my very last dollar that Mae Young was dead, so it was great to see her in what was honestly one of the funnier moments of the evening. But all is not bad in the WWE. One thing appears to be here to stay and I, for one, couldn’t be happier: SQUASH MATCHES! RyBack, Brodus Clay, and Lord A-Train are all squashing 180 pound sacks of potatoes and it’s fantastic! They kick jobber’s asses for 20-60 seconds and then they move on. This is how you introduce people. This is how you get people to believe that these guys are godless killing machines, and unstoppable forces of nature. Now, when every one of these guys get into their first legit feud, i’ll be truly wondering who is going to come out on top, and who is going to be the superstar to derail (pun intended) these new monsters on the roster.
Overall the night was a definite disappointment, but hey, these guys never take a week off, and even I can cut them a little slack. Here’s to hoping next week is better. Thanks for reading everybody. Remember, when life gets you down, kick out at 2. When you can’t kick out at 2, reach for the ropes.
–PerfectHeel
Top Ten Entrances
Ladies and Gentleman, I apologize it took me so long to make my next post. I have been dealing with some monumental computer problems. No its not an excuse, its a reason. I have not forgotten about this blog, nor do I intend to. My partner “Heel” has been doing a great job keeping you guys updated and when I get my computer situation sorted out I plan on being just as active. Thanks for your patience. And if you dont accept the apology, I think DX said it best… you can just Suck It.
***Disclaimer***
WWEPaperChampion does not own the legal rights to any of the videos linked in this blog, nor are they associated in any way with the person who’s youtube page you are linked to. WWE holds all rights to any entrance videos.
Recognition is what the WWE is all about… and although great wrestling ability will get you recognized with the die hard fans, only a good entrance can make you beloved by all. To be a great entrance and seperate yourself from the rest of the generic songs and antics, you need to excel in each or most of these 5 categories.
1- Instantly Recognizable- If it takes you longer than a half a second to know who is approaching the ring, then you just aren’t doing it right… the first noise is what makes the crowd come alive!
2- Rest of the song- There is more to the music part of entrances than just the first 5 or so seconds. Does your favorite wrestlers entire song hurt or help their case to be on this list?
3- Catchyness (yes I just made up a word)- Ever get that song stuck in your head, or keep horribly trying to mimic their catchphrase or sing the guitar riffs of your favorite wrestlers? No? Then your wrestlers entrance sucks!!
4- Energy/Creepiness- I group these two together because an entrance doesnt have to blow the roof off the building to be great. Sometimes dark and creepy settings, with the anticipation build up are better than loud in your face entrances. Also this counts for both the wrestlers energy and the energy they invoke in the crowd.
5- Swag- There is so many ways to describe “swag”. Simply put, its the way one carries themselves. If the wrestler seems unsure of himself by accident (Mankind would flinch and slowly walk to the ring, R-Truth looks over his shoulder for “Little Jimmy purposely emitting reluctance and uncertainty”) then they probably arent going to have the crowds attention too much. Where as a wrestler that interacts with the crowd, or has a routine, an arrogance to him/her will at least have the buzz before the match.
Now that I have talked about the criteria I used to rate these entrances, I now give you
J2’s Top Ten Entrances of All Time!
#10- Ted Dibiase, The Million Dollar Man
If you know absolutely nothing about who the Million Dollar Man is, all you have to do is listen to his entrance music… from the beginning with the Diabolical laugh to the line of “everybody’s got a price, everybody’s gonna pay”, it describes the Million Dollar Man to a tee. You have to respect a guy who directly calls out the fans in his songs “Some might cost a little, some might cost a lot, but i’m the Million Dollar Man, and you WILL be bought. HAHAHAHA” Although the music after the laugh is not the best the wwe/f has seen or heard, the way Dibiase carried himself down the ramp towards the ring: hands holding the lapels, head up high, and arrogance that oozed from his cheesy, cocky smile as he strutted toward the ring. Nobody was better at convincing you they thought they were untouchable, and that makes for a very impactful entrance. Oh yeah, and that laugh.
Due to the fact that the Million Dollar Man wrestled before the time of camera phones and DVR’s it is proving harder than I thought to find a live entrance of him that is of good enough quality. So instead I am including his titantron video with the song. Sorry for the lack of video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ik48XQJcfvU
Criteria
Instantly recognizable – 9
Rest of the song – 7
Catchyness – 6
Energy/Creepiness – 7
Swag – 9
Total- 38
#9- Chris Jericho (Y2J)
The sound of the countdown alarm is only the start of this great entrance, but I believe the second part of the opening makes this go from a good to a great entrance… Just picture Jericho standing arms out with his back to the ring, the spotlight infront of him so all you see is his silhouette… now the second part of the song starts… “Break the walls dowwwnnnn” as Jericho turns down the ramp to choreographed pyro… One of the few entrances that embrace both high energy with high anticipation.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtFBbhz_RVc&feature=related
Criteria
Instantly recognizable – 8
Rest of the song – 8
Catchyness – 6
Energy/Creepiness – 9
Swag- 8
total- 39
#8- Stone Cold Steve Austin
Does anyone that has ever watched wrestling think of anything else when they hear glass break than Stone Cold?? I think not. This is an entrance that relies heavily on 3 out of the 5 criteria, IR, Energy, and Swag… The rest of the
song is not very good and actually really repetitive as Austin does his turnbuckle salute to the fans. But The sheer energy, swag, and the chills you get when you hear the glass break as Austin runs/hobbles to the ring throwing curses everywhere and, more times than not, with beer in hand earns him this spot.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoNmL1nBKOQ&feature=related
^^I apologize for the length of the video and having to sit through a couple of entrances that are not Stone Cold, but this is the biggest pop that I found after searching for a while.
Criteria
Instantly recognizable – 10
Rest of the song- 4
Catchyness- 6
Energy/Creepiness – 10
Swag – 10
total- 40
#7- The Rock
The Rock is undoubtedly one of the greatest WWE superstars of all time (if not the greatest). I know some of you are saying to yourself right now “how is the Rock not higher on the list, his entrances have more crowd pop and energy than anyones?” That is true, but this list isnt just about the crowds energy. The Rock is unrivaled in energy, and unrivaled in fan reception. But the truth of the matter is, apart from the “If you smelllelelelelelela what the Rock is cookin'” the song really isnt that good. The same with the superstar I ranked above him Stone Cold… If his entrance had a good and catchy song to follow up the amazing beginning he would no doubt be top 3 on the list.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BII1rjoHdeU
Criteria
Instantly Recognizable – 10
Rest of the song – 5
Catchyness – 6
Energy – 10
Swag – 10
total – 41
#6- HHH
Time to play the game!!! A very good start to his song, although I don’t care for the rest of it. It is HHH’s antics that make this one of the greats… The deliberate bad ass walk to the ring, the double high arm flex, and the water spit is one of the most recognizable things in WWE history. Part of what makes HHH’s Entrance so memorable is it’s long shelf life. Pretty much after he was the Connecticut Blue Blood and the DX run stopped, that was his first entrance. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. When HHH is coming towards the ring there is no one sitting down, that is a guarantee!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FF1NEICBUh8
^^This video is longer than just HHH’s entrance, but it is right at the beginning.
Criteria
Instantly Recognizable – 9
Rest of the song – 6
Catchyness – 8
Energy – 8
Swag – 10
Total- 41
#5- The Undertaker
The best way to describe the impact of The Undertaker’s entrance is just to show his debut in the WWF. This was before the TitanTron, before pyrotechnics, hell, before a ramp! The lights pretty much just stayed the same, Paul Bearer hadn’t even been created yet, but watch the audience. Watch them stare in complete silence at this imposing figure. They watch, bug-eyed and slack-jawed at the walking dead in front of them. The Gong sounds, the organ kicks in, and BAM, you’re staring the Grim Reaper in the face. This isn’t the monster you’re afraid is in your closet at night, this is the guy who keeps the monster as a pet. As time went on and entrances got kicked up to another level, The Dead Man only got more imposing as the lights would shut out, purple fog fills the arena, and before the gong even sounds, a chill hits the air and makes the hair on everybody’s neck stand up. Now that’s an entrance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D376G1A_9L0&feature=related
Criteria
Instantly Recognizable – 9
Rest of the song – 8
Catchyness – 5
Energy/Creepiness – 10
Swag- 10
Total – 42
#4- Hulk Hogan
The definition of swag. We all know the song, we’ve heard it a million times. Obama even used it before one of his speeches! If the WWF had the technology to create an amazing video and killer entrance ramp in the 1980’s, this would probably be higher on the list, if not #1. Nobody explodes out of those curtains like Hogan. His finger pointed at the ring, talking to nobody in particular, having every single person mobbing him as he tries to make it to the ring. This man was truly idolized. A big part of that idolization is the fact that nobody could pump you up than Hogan marching toward the ring, eyes fixed on his opponent, letting him know that it was officially “on.” Throw an annoyingly catchy song on top of all that swag? You have the Immortal one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zkhw6eOw2ew&feature=related
FF to 3:55 if you dont want to watch the part leading up to the entrance.
Instantly Recognizable – 7
Rest of the song – 8
Catchyness – 8
Energy/Creepiness – 9
Swag – 10
Total- 42
#3- Randy “The Viper” Orton
The reason I say “The Viper” in his name, is because I associate his “Viper” nickname with his “voices” entrance and “the Legend Killer” with his prior entrance. When the building goes quiet and “I hear voices in my head” comes on there is no way to explain it except that the place explodes. I find myself reciting the beginning of the song many times during and after his matches. He carries himself with almost a psychotic swag, you never know if he will sprint down to the ring or slowly prowl. If you actually listen to the rest the song, you will realize that it is creepy as hell, and probably shouldnt be allowed to the audience its targeted. But like I said, the building explodes, so no one really hears it anyways.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv30Emv-was&feature=related
Criteria
Instantly Recognizable – 10
Rest of the song – 6
Catchyness – 7
Energy/Creepiness – 10
Swag – 10
Total – 43
#2- New Age Outlaws
Want to see how a great entrance should be done? Watch a clip of the New Age Outlaws… The “OHHH you didnt know!!” not only tells you exactly who is coming to the ring, it gets every single person in the crowd joining in. They also have some of the better mic skills to introduce themselves (none of this R-truth garbage)! There isn’t a person that watched wrestling in the 90’s that has forgot the “Ladies and gentleman boys and girls” bit. Also, greatest 4-note guitar riff ever! These guys must get so much respect for shedding really terrible gimmicks, and creating two of the best characters, and perhaps the greatest tag-team ever. These guys were the definition of cool. And in the Attitude Era, Cool is the rule.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdsBbonKJ3U
Criteria
Instantly recognizable – 10
Rest of the song – 6
Catchyness – 10
Energy/Creepiness – 9
Swag- 8
Total – 43
and Number 1 is….
.
.
.
Shawn Michaels
What is there to say about this entrance that hasnt already been said. From the moaning to start to the great guitar riff and lyrics everyone sings along to. The Heartbreak Kid went from one of the better tag team songs (if you aren’t familiar with the Rockers theme song, check it out, it can pump you up!) to a truly legendary entrance as a singles wrestler. This is musically one of the best entrances of all time… but add Michaels’ antics to it, and it takes it to a whole other level. He would always have one of the longest entrances on the card every single night. When he was a heel, his slow, cocky strut and disrobing would get under the skin of everybody who wanted to see this punk get his face kicked in. When he turned face, this gave him more time to hog the spotlight and revel in the cheers of the fans. Entrances can go too long and lose their steam, but Michaels never did, and therefore, the crowd never did. The energy in the building does not stop from the time the first moan starts, and only gets more energetic by the time he does his patented lunge flex in the ring.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQMVQJijl_A&feature=related
^^ Not the best quality, but great fan reaction and shows all attribute of a Shawn Michaels Entrance
Criteria
Instantly Recognizable – 8
Rest of the Song – 10
Catchyness – 9
Energy – 8
Swag – 10.
Total- 46
Thanks for reading. Some of the videos are not the greatest, or pulled from a time when each superstar was not at the height of popularity. But due to WWE licensing rights actual entrances are pulled off of youtube quite regularly, so I was happy with what I was able to find. I dont expect you to agree with everything I put, after all blogging is an opinion driven business. Comment and discuss if you think someone was rated too high, or too low.
Giving Thanks
The attitude of gratitude has arrived. Survivor Series is less than a week removed, and I want to share what I was most grateful for during the pay-per-view: Every single person/team that I wanted to win did. I can’t help but feel that the WWE put this pay-per-view on just for me. The only dampening of spirits that occurred was Mark Henry holding on to the belt (not that Big Show would be that much better of a champion), but nonetheless, i was a perfect 6/6 on people I wanted to win. The most surprising result was the one I personally felt most invested in. Somehow, the WWE had Randy Orton’s team lose in the Traditional SS match. Orton has a very good track record in these matches, and is famous for being the Sole Survivor. And with the way this match was going, it looked like there was going to be another Randy Orton comeback as The Viper has become so popular for. But this year, it wasn’t meant to be.
Wrestlemania XXX main event? Yes Please!
Randy Orton is def. in my top 5 in the WWE right now. Probably top 3, but right now #1 on that list has to be Cody Rhodes. The current IC champion is absolutely sick. Phenomenal in-ring skills, a great wrestling personality, good looks, and championship bloodline really make me wonder how far they are going to let this guy go. I’m probably getting ahead of myself, but I see a LOT of main events in this kid’s future. This is a chance for the WWE to right the wrongs they are famous for by allowing this guy to live up to his potential, despite the fact that he’s not bulging with muscles or 6’6+. And before anybody wants to shoot back with HBK or Bret Hart or even Randy Savage, remember this: they were all faces when they won the ‘ship. The only way for a heel to be champ it seems is if he’s physically intimidating, despite how stiff or awkward he is to watch in the ring. This is one of the things that WCW always did better than WWF. If you are a good enough draw and put on the most entertaining match on the card, why the hell shouldn’t you be rewarded with the belt? Imagine if Ric Flair had been in the WWF the whole time. The Nature Boy would have had 2 title reigns. If Mason Ryan gets a Heavyweight Championship match before Rhodes does, I’ll start watching TNA (and then probably drown myself out of boredom). I don’t know anybody who has luke-warm feelings about Rhodes. Most hate him, some love him. Either way, I am grateful that Cody Rhodes got to be one of the Survivors in this year’s Survivor Series match.
Also, I must express gratitude that CM Punk will (hopefully) actually have a legitimate title run. Finally, I’m most grateful for the host of my Survivor Series watching, Colin, and my friend Tony for inviting me to watch the Series the way it was meant to be watched, on a real TV!
Discussion topic: what was the most shocking WWE victory you ever saw?
–perfect heel
wwepaperchampion 